Proverbs 15:1 A soft answer turneth away wrath: but grievous words stir up anger.
2 The tongue of the wise useth knowledge aright: but the mouth of fools poureth out foolishness.
These two verses have a lot of truth in them. We know it takes two people to have an argument and harsh words being said by one stirs up the other to reply usually in the same way. It is the foolishness of what is said that causes all the problems. screaming and hollering at someone never accomplishes anything.
Again we see that wisdom being used to help us decide what we say helps us control our tone. When we answer someone with a calm voice, even if it did not start way has a way of turning away wrath. It really takes depending on the wisdom and knowledge of God to know how to respond to people in any situation. The book of James teaches well what a weapon the tongue is and how dangerous it can be. We need to ask God daily to guide us in what we say and do.